Okay, I admit it. That teaser was a bit misleading.
I don’t live with that kind of pro. I’m the life partner of an award-winning sex teacher and medical professional, Sheri Winston. Still, a pro’s a pro when it comes to expertise about sex. During the more than five years
I’ve been with Sheri, I’ve learned an enormous amount from her and the
women at her workshops about what makes a good—and not-so-good—lover.
Here are five keys I’ve come away with.
Women Are Different—Really Different! Men tend to think of women as just like guys, only with different (and more fun)
plumbing.
It’s not so, in fact it’s so not so! Female sexual energy typically
proceeds from the outside in. With men, it’s the exact opposite. It
takes about a nano-second for their sex center to go into the “on”
position,
while it’s totally normal for women to take 45 minutes or more to get
fully and deeply aroused. That’s a whole lot of time, especially when
you’re in Hot-to-Trot Mode. Think of it this way: 45 minutes is like a
quarter of a
football game, including the commercials.
Sex Tips - A Guy’s Guide To Thrilling Your Woman
Okay, I admit it. That teaser was a bit misleading.
I don’t live with that kind of pro. I’m the life partner of an award-winning sex teacher and medical professional, Sheri Winston. Still, a pro’s a pro when it comes to expertise about sex. During the more than five years
I’ve been with Sheri, I’ve learned an enormous amount from her and the
women at her workshops about what makes a good—and not-so-good—lover.
Here are five keys I’ve come away with.
Women Are Different—Really Different! Men tend to think of women as just like guys, only with different (and more fun) plumbing.
It’s not so, in fact it’s so not so! Female sexual energy typically
proceeds from the outside in. With men, it’s the exact opposite. It
takes about a nano-second for their sex center to go into the “on” position,
while it’s totally normal for women to take 45 minutes or more to get
fully and deeply aroused. That’s a whole lot of time, especially when
you’re in Hot-to-Trot Mode. Think of it this way: 45 minutes is like a
quarter of a football game, including the commercials.
It’s All About the Journey—Really! So how are you going to spend those 45 minutes, assuming the Cowboys aren’t on TV? Here’s my recommendation: enjoy the journey
… for real. Don’t pretend to enjoy it because you think faking it will
get you to the Promised Land that much quicker. Women know when you’re
angling for something: it’ll make them close up. Make your
agenda pleasure, not penetration. Focus on delighting her sensually,
which is different from arousing her sexually. The more you slow down,
the faster you’ll get there.
Hot Sex Is a State of Mind (and Heart). To make her wild with passion, pay attention to these three things:
Attunement. Attend to her cues, like how she’s breathing and moving. You’re dancing with her. Find that groove.
Entrancement. Arousal
is an altered state—literally. You know how that time comes when you’re
sure she’s not thinking about the cobwebs on the ceiling
because she’s lost her capacity to put together full sentences and is
begging you, using very short words, to enter her? That’s an altered—and
cobweb-free—state she’s in. That’s where you want to take her—and you
want to take yourself there, too. Your attunement will be that much
acute when your brain is
switched off and you’re deep in your own arousal trance. (Be sure to
stay attuned, though—otherwise you can lose track of where she's at as
you follow your own arousal.)
Connection. Most
women need to feel safe in order to open sexually, and to feel safe
they need to feel connected. Eye-gazing, laughing together, and
consciously sharing heart-energy are all great forms of foreplay.
Ask
for Feedback. I know: we’re supposed to know. We’re supposed to be able
to read her mind and body, and know exactly what she does and doesn’t
like. We’re not mind-readers, though, or body-readers either, and this
goes doubly when we’re not paying attention as well as we might, ideally
from our attuned arousal trance.
The
simple truth is, she’s a different person from you, and to know what
she wants you have to ask questions. “Would you like it harder? Would
you like it softer? Would you show me how you like your nipple touched?”
Questions like these aren’t proofs of ignorance, they’re evidence of
mastery. Your woman will appreciate it —and admire you for asking.
Know Female Anatomy. Did you know that inch for inch, pound for pound, women have as much erectile
tissue as men? If you didn’t, you’re like the vast majority of men. And
women. And—believe it or not—gynecology professionals, too.
To do
their job well,
plumbers need to know plumbing.
Obvious, right? But most lovers don’t have an accurate model of female
genital anatomy—and if you don’t know what you’re playing with, you
won’t be able to pleasure it skillfully.
The irony here is that most women are also ignorant about their genital equipment, leaving them in no position
to give their men guidance. It’s not quite the blind leading the
lame—more like the orgasmically shortchanged leading the clueless.
