Thursday, May 9, 2013

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Claire and Tony Livingston lived at remote Alton Point on a rugged section of New Zealand’s northern west coast at the treacherous entrance to a small harbour no longer used commercially.
Few people lived in the district. The original hardwood forests were   felled for furniture manufacture and flooring and were never replanted and had failed to re-established naturally because the land-use had been gradually converted to cattle grazing.
Claire was a novelist and husband Tony was a lazy sod with an investment income. Claire preferred to write in near isolation and Tony was content to be house-husband and cook and clean their house and the nearby abandoned lighthouse that had been included in the 5-acre property they’d purchased seven years go.
Eighteen months ago the couple had jointly paid for the complete restoration of the lighthouse with Claire believing it would attract families on holiday who sought peace from the city in splendid isolation.
That idea failed. In eight months they attracted just one booking who turned out to be a complaining/fighting couple who were amid a doomed attempt at marital reconciliation.
“That’s money down the drain with that restoration,” Claire sighed. “I really could have done better things with that money.”
Tony said generously, “I’ll give you your half of the $21,700 we spent on the upgrade in return for you giving me total control of the lighthouse and all of any income I derive from hiring it out.”
“Okay,” Claire said. “Hand me the cheque and the building is yours. What will you do with it?”
“Hire it out as a brothel,” Tony said imaginatively.
“Where would the clients come from?” she asked.
Tony scratched behind an ear and said, “Dunno.”

 


A day later Claire went to the nearest town 48 km away to bank her cheque, leaving Tony thinking how to profit from his 100% acquisition.
Claire returned home with provisions for a week and a women’s fashion magazine and a home and garden magazine to keep up to date for settings in writing the paperback romances she churned out. Tony flicked through one of the magazines looking for lingerie ads, being a tit and bum guy and came across a small advertisement of  an Australian farming couple who hired out their converted barn for ‘rustic weddings in the country’. What a great idea he thought and immediately switched on to the logical progression of rustic honeymoons in a lighthouse.
He yawned and told Claire about his idea of promoting the lighthouse tower for rustic honeymoons in the country.
She yawned and said what utter rubbish.
Although it was only 11 am Claire said she was going to bed for rest to get her creative juices fired up.
“Follow me if you want sex.”
Thinking he had nothing better to do, Tony followed her, looking with some interest at his wife’s swaying ass a few yards ahead of him.
*  *  *  
Two honeymooning couples arrived over four weeks, attracted by the romantic idea of spending part of their honeymoon in a ‘remote and rustic renovated lighthouse’.
“See, I told you your stupid concept would fail,” Claire said unsympathetically, glad she hadn’t wasted money on Tony’s brain blow-out.

Two days after that second sated couple had left, Tony received a call from a writer on the staff of one of Claire’s magazines in which he’d placed a regular advertisement to promote rustic honeymoons.      
Tony was excited but had to wait another 90 minutes before Claire completed her stint in complete isolation working on her latest pot-boiler before he was permitted to talk to her.
“God are you looking for sex again?” she asked half-interested, noticing his flushed face.
“A writer and photographer from Elite Home & Garden magazine arrive in the morning to do a spread of my honeymoon venue.”
“Are you sure? That’s one of this country’s top mags and circulates widely in Australia. There must be a mistake.”
“Nah, the writer Lily somebody said her sister has just arrived home from her honeymoon in raptures about the rustic lighthouse honeymoon venue.”
“Omigod how wonderful. I suppose you fed her untruths about how successful your business is?”
“No to the contrary, I told her it had been a disaster with only two couples in the month it had been opened for business and that seemed to excite her and she said something about the need to pull the trigger.”
“What, you excited a woman?”




“I don’t know what you mean by that.”
“Oh never mind. Well after you serve lunch and clear away you better spend the afternoon over at the lighthouse getting it spotless and... oh damn, there’s my phone.”


Claire returned looking a little dazed and said, “That was my publisher. They want me in Wellington by 3:00 tomorrow to prepare for being interview during the evening News on national TV. Sales in America of my satirical paperback Charlotte Prefers Masturbation have really taken off and a New York filmmaker has commenced negotiations to acquire film rights. You’ll have to talk to those magazine people yourself if you can’t delay them.”
“No it will be fine. I can drive you to Auckland Airport if…”
“I’ll be fine thanks. You just make sure you shave and dress in your best in the morning.”
Claire, highly excited, drove off next morning at 6:00 to arrive at Auckland Airport in time for her booked flight at 9:00.
*  *  *

Tony remembered to shave and in the absence of his wife conservative standards, he dressed in well-worn although clean light blue denim shorts and a new orange sleeveless top that showed off his muscular biceps.
A lone female with wavy chestnut hair arrived in a SUV with the magazine’s name across the doors and smiled and said, “Hi Mr Livingston, I’m Lily Sullivan. Since you have retired from the business world, I’d expected you to be older.”
“Nah, call me Tony Lily. I’m now forty-three and made my money from twenty years earlier running a small advertising agency that became a pioneer in the development of animated computer graphics in TV advertising. I retired seven years ago and sold the agency when I experienced the first signs of entrepreneurial burn-out. Where’s the photographer?”
“She was pulled for an urgent assignment and will arrive early this afternoon. You’ll need to dress better for the photographs.  Meanwhile I can do my job.”



“Great so let’s start with coffee. My wife had gone urgently to Wellington but that’s okay because the lighthouse is my baby.”
“Your baby?”
“My centre of interest. My wife handed it over to me when she lost interest because we failed to attract families wanting to holiday remotely in unusual accommodation.”
“But if you were in advertising you ought to understand the value of expensive promotion?”
“My total focus had been on computer graphics.”
“I see and do you remain big into computer usage?”
“Nah I mainly read emails and look at porn.”
Lily giggled and said she better not quote him on that and he said thanks and noticed her run a hand lightly across her left breast while looking at him intently.
“Are you married Lily?”
She said without guilt, “Yes and with two children at primary school.”
“I’ll get the coffee, sit on the terrace if you wish and view the sea.”


“And the lighthouse.”
“Oh yes.”
Tony returned with coffee and noticed Lily had pulled up her skirt to just above her knees.
“If you wish to get sun on your legs pull your skirt right up or even take it off. I won’t get excited.”
She just pulled her skirt very high and said she’d assumed he’d notice she had shapely legs.
“Yeah I noticed.”
“And I saw you staring at my breasts.”
Tony grinned, “Yeah and you have other shapely parts but isn’t this supposed to be an interview about the rustic lighthouse owner’s absentee honeymooners?”
“Oh yes, I suppose it is. I became carried away.”
An intense interview following with Tony aware this now highly professional journalist was sawing, slicing and sieving him, er verbally, to mine for colourful quotes and anecdotes as well as facts. He fixed his gaze above her shoulders to avoid being distracted to reward her with answers with substance to her barrage of questions.
Towards the end of the formal interview, he tired of racking his flash memory to come up with what he expected an interviewer would want to hear and lapsed into becoming frivolous. For example:
“Do you enjoy presenting a honeymoon Eldorado for couples?”
“Isn’t El Dorado a fictitious place in history? I’ve worked hard and expensively in trying to present this venue perfectly but as you might imagine, in attracting only two couples in my first month of operation as a wedding venue I have not been exactly overwhelmed with feedback.”
“Why don’t more honeymooners come here?”

“Because more needs to be done via advertising and obviously word of mouth to focus potential honeymooners, even when one or both partners already have a marriage and honeymoon from a previous time under their belt. If your magazine were to publish this proposed article about Alton Lighthouse Honeymoons then it would be a ripper of a way to stimulate bookings.”
“Why would we want to promote a remote place like this that appears to have missed the bus commercially?”
“Perhaps you might have a theory on that.”
“No you planned this as an expensive and exclusive honeymoon venue. I want your thinking.”
“Well Lily, promise not to laugh. I walked out of the house one evening with my old Walkman playing Blue Hawaii and I looked across to the lighthouse in the fading sunset and saw the white exterior of the tower had taken on a surreal blue tinge and yet it had been a pink and yellow sunset. I smiled and said aloud, “The angels are trying to tell me something.”
“Omigod.”
“I’m not religious but I like to think there are angels watching over us. After Elvis finished with Hawaii on my Walkman, the next song was even older, Hank Williams singing Wedding Bells and I thought the renovated lighthouse tower would be a great place for a honeymoon and so the idea developed. There are three honeymoon bedroom suites separated by private lounges and with the communal dining room and kitchen at the top the tower where the service room below the lamp room used to be. Fresh food as ordered from menus will be supplied each morning to the fridges in the lounge of each occupied suite and that food can be eaten and served separately or combined with one or both other couples in residence and if desired a competent cook can be hired to cook for one, two, or three couples as required.”
“All of that sounds very efficient and offering full service.
“Well that’s the operational side Lily and I’ll give you a copy of our brochure that contains rates and states the minimum stay is two nights. Come and I’ll explain and point out physical things that make our venue unique in this country.”
By the time they’d looked around outside at the harbour, the rocks below the ocean beach to their left and then entered the tower, Tony was half certain that Lily might take the hook if it were slung her way (colloquialism for hit on her and test your luck). 

“Oooh darling, don’t stop there but first let’s get inside to the bed.”
Lily’s breath was taken away, not by Tony’s hard grip on her ass but because of the opulence of the room, fitted out lavishly to look a little like a royal room in a castle.
“Omigod, I’m about to cum just be looking at this incredible room. Take me Tony.”
Tony guessed she didn’t mean take her to the next room and so he removed the satin bed spread before ‘taking her’.
And very nice it was too,
She had a tight pussy and he had a thick, pulsating dick and that proved to be an ideal match. Lily kept trying to jam a breast down his throat while bucking to crash against Tony’s incoming thrusts.
God the young princess (she looked to be thirty to thirty-two) had piled up a lot of experience from somewhere, he thought. Smiling he remembered saying in disbelieve earlier that he’d come without condoms and she’d giggled and threw her handbag at him and said, “Take your pick; there’s a variety in there.”
After that round, they went to the top floor.
“Omigod what glorious views and what a wonderful room this is.”
“Yeah the room was in rough shape, with anything of value removed, when we brought the property,” Tony said. “I had the attached keeper’s house that had been rebuilt in the 1960s moved right back and that’s now our house, and had the other outbuildings demolished and the debris removed. The lantern housed in the room above us was long and so I had that floor removed and the sides remodelled to allow natural light from the glasswork of the dome to flood down here,”
“It’s wonderful,” Lily purred. “Please fuck me on this beautiful heavy oak table.”
“What now?”
“Yes or sooner if you can manage that.”
The photographer, a lined-faced woman with big breasts and aged about forty, arrived late and took a huge number of photos. She then wish to stay to get for a shot at sunset and the best one showed the tower coloured apricot and then the sunset faded.

She began to pack up but Tony said to wait a few minutes and the wait was worthwhile. The photographer delightedly took shots that showed the tower with a blue cast and she said she could enhance the colour of the digital imagine on her computer (that photo now hangs in the photo section at the National Gallery with a copy in Claire and Tony’s home lounge).
Tony forgot to watch the TV interview of his wife because at that time, with a lamb roast in the oven, he, Lily and Paula the photographer were deep into a threesome over at the tower.

Update
Today Alton Lighthouse Honeymoons is a very successful business that is widely acknowledge as offering one of the top honeymoon venues in New Zealand and Australia.
After publication of Lily and Paula’s magnificent magazine spread of ‘Alton Lighthouse’s New 21st Century Role’ other news teams including TV crews came, saw and were conquered.
Tony came up which a new small format advert that slotted into many magazines and top newspapers. It won a national advertising award and never changes because it’s such a classic. Wording below the blue tinged nightfall exterior of the tower reads:
If you plan to honeymoon only once do it in style in sophistication in splendid isolation at rustic Alton Lighthouse north of Auckland.  Details at altonlighthouse.com.
Some weddings now hinge on the date when the affluent bride and groom can book into rustic Alton Lighthouse.



Thanks!

Sunday, September 4, 2011

SHE






For this past year my wife has been telling me she isn't really interested in sex any more. I took your advice on some of the romantic ideas and then did a few of the tips you shared and now she's been initiating sex every night this week even though she is studying for exams. After we tried one of your positions she's been wanting to try all of them. Thanks. You saved my marriage." – Britt R, Columbus OH



"My husband lost interest in sex about 7 years ago and we usually only had it about once a month or less. Since getting these tips he actually initiated it 6 times last month and asked if I could repeat some of the tips I had tried on him. His erections are actually harder than they have been in years too. I feel like we are much closer as a result of the better lovemaking. I have been telling all my friends about your 500 Lovemaking Tips and several have bought it too.



















 

Girls like this




Okay, I admit it. That teaser was a bit misleading.

I don’t live with that kind of pro. I’m the life partner of an award-winning sex teacher and medical professional, Sheri Winston. Still, a pro’s a pro when it comes to expertise about sex. During the more than five years I’ve been with Sheri, I’ve learned an enormous amount from her and the women at her workshops about what makes a good—and not-so-good—lover.

Here are five keys I’ve come away with.

Women Are Different—Really Different! Men tend to think of women as just like guys, only with different (and more fun) plumbing. It’s not so, in fact it’s so not so! Female sexual energy typically proceeds from the outside in. With men, it’s the exact opposite. It takes about a nano-second for their sex center to go into the “on” position, while it’s totally normal for women to take 45 minutes or more to get fully and deeply aroused. That’s a whole lot of time, especially when you’re in Hot-to-Trot Mode. Think of it this way: 45 minutes is like a quarter of a football game, including the commercials.



Sex Tips - A Guy’s Guide To Thrilling Your Woman

Posted 3 months ago

Okay, I admit it. That teaser was a bit misleading.

I don’t live with that kind of pro. I’m the life partner of an award-winning sex teacher and medical professional, Sheri Winston. Still, a pro’s a pro when it comes to expertise about sex. During the more than five years I’ve been with Sheri, I’ve learned an enormous amount from her and the women at her workshops about what makes a good—and not-so-good—lover.

Here are five keys I’ve come away with.

Women Are Different—Really Different! Men tend to think of women as just like guys, only with different (and more fun) plumbing. It’s not so, in fact it’s so not so! Female sexual energy typically proceeds from the outside in. With men, it’s the exact opposite. It takes about a nano-second for their sex center to go into the “on” position, while it’s totally normal for women to take 45 minutes or more to get fully and deeply aroused. That’s a whole lot of time, especially when you’re in Hot-to-Trot Mode. Think of it this way: 45 minutes is like a quarter of a football game, including the commercials.

It’s All About the Journey—Really! So how are you going to spend those 45 minutes, assuming the Cowboys aren’t on TV? Here’s my recommendation: enjoy the journey … for real. Don’t pretend to enjoy it because you think faking it will get you to the Promised Land that much quicker. Women know when you’re angling for something: it’ll make them close up. Make your agenda pleasure, not penetration. Focus on delighting her sensually, which is different from arousing her sexually. The more you slow down, the faster you’ll get there.

Hot Sex Is a State of Mind (and Heart). To make her wild with passion, pay attention to these three things:

Attunement. Attend to her cues, like how she’s breathing and moving. You’re dancing with her. Find that groove.

Entrancement. Arousal is an altered state—literally. You know how that time comes when you’re sure she’s not thinking about the cobwebs on the ceiling because she’s lost her capacity to put together full sentences and is begging you, using very short words, to enter her? That’s an altered—and cobweb-free—state she’s in. That’s where you want to take her—and you want to take yourself there, too. Your attunement will be that much acute when your brain is switched off and you’re deep in your own arousal trance. (Be sure to stay attuned, though—otherwise you can lose track of where she's at as you follow your own arousal.)



Connection. Most women need to feel safe in order to open sexually, and to feel safe they need to feel connected. Eye-gazing, laughing together, and consciously sharing heart-energy are all great forms of foreplay.

Ask for Feedback. I know: we’re supposed to know. We’re supposed to be able to read her mind and body, and know exactly what she does and doesn’t like. We’re not mind-readers, though, or body-readers either, and this goes doubly when we’re not paying attention as well as we might, ideally from our attuned arousal trance.

The simple truth is, she’s a different person from you, and to know what she wants you have to ask questions. “Would you like it harder? Would you like it softer? Would you show me how you like your nipple touched?” Questions like these aren’t proofs of ignorance, they’re evidence of mastery. Your woman will appreciate it —and admire you for asking.

Know Female Anatomy. Did you know that inch for inch, pound for pound, women have as much erectile tissue as men? If you didn’t, you’re like the vast majority of men. And women. And—believe it or not—gynecology professionals, too.

To do their job well, plumbers need to know plumbing. Obvious, right? But most lovers don’t have an accurate model of female genital anatomy—and if you don’t know what you’re playing with, you won’t be able to pleasure it skillfully.



The irony here is that most women are also ignorant about their genital equipment, leaving them in no position to give their men guidance. It’s not quite the blind leading the lame—more like the orgasmically shortchanged leading the clueless.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

The laughter

Laughter is strong medicine for mind and body

Laughter is a powerful antidote to stress, pain, and conflict. Nothing works faster or more dependably to bring your mind and body back into balance than a good laugh. Humor lightens your burdens, inspires hopes, connects you to others, and keeps you grounded, focused, and alert.
With so much power to heal and renew, the ability to laugh easily and frequently is a tremendous resource for surmounting problems, enhancing your relationships, and supporting both physical and emotional health.


Laughter is good for your health

  • Laughter relaxes the whole body. A good, hearty laugh relieves physical tension and stress, leaving your muscles relaxed for up to 45 minutes after.
  • Laughter boosts the immune system. Laughter decreases stress hormones and increases immune cells and infection-fighting antibodies, thus improving your resistance to disease.
  • Laughter triggers the release of endorphins, the body’s natural feel-good chemicals. Endorphins promote an overall sense of well-being and can even temporarily relieve pain.
  • Laughter protects the heart. Laughter improves the function of blood vessels and increases blood flow, which can help protect you against a heart attack and other cardiovascular problems.


Laughter and humor help you stay emotionally healthy

Laughter makes you feel good. And the good feeling that you get when you laugh remains with you even after the laughter subsides. Humor helps you keep a positive, optimistic outlook through difficult situations, disappointments, and loss.
More than just a respite from sadness and pain, laughter gives you the courage and strength to find new sources of meaning and hope. Even in the most difficult of times, a laugh–or even simply a smile–can go a long way toward making you feel better. And laughter really is contagious—just hearing laughter primes your brain and readies you to smile and join in on the fun.


The social benefits of humor and laughter

Humor and playful communication strengthen our relationships by triggering positive feelings and fostering emotional connection. When we laugh with one another, a positive bond is created. This bond acts as a strong buffer against stress, disagreements, and disappointment.

Laughing with others is more powerful than laughing alone

Shared laughter is one of the most effective tools for keeping relationships fresh and exciting. All emotional sharing builds strong and lasting relationship bonds, but sharing laughter and play adds joy, vitality, and resilience. And humor is a powerful and effective way to heal resentments, disagreements, and hurts. Laughter unites people during difficult times.
Using humor and laughter in relationships allows you to:
  • Be more spontaneous. Humor gets you out of your head and away from your troubles.
  • Let go of defensiveness. Laughter helps you forget judgments, criticisms, and doubts.
  • Release inhibitions. Your fear of holding back and holding on are set aside.
  • Express your true feelings. Deeply felt emotions are allowed to rise to the surface.


  • Smile. Smiling is the beginning of laughter. Like laughter, it’s contagious. Pioneers in “laugh therapy,” find it’s possible to laugh without even experiencing a funny event. The same holds for smiling. When you look at someone or see something even mildly pleasing, practice smiling.
  • Count your blessings. Literally make a list. The simple act of considering the good things in your life will distance you from negative thoughts that are a barrier to humor and laughter. When in a state of sadness, we have further to travel to get to humor and laughter.
  • When you hear laughter, move toward it. Sometimes humor and laughter are private, a shared joke among a small group, but usually not. More often, people are very happy to share something funny because it gives them an opportunity to laugh again and feed off the humor you find in it. When you hear laughter, seek it out and ask, “What’s funny?”
  • Spend time with fun, playful people. These are people who laugh easily–both at themselves and at life’s absurdities–and who routinely find the humor in everyday events. Their playful point of view and laughter are contagious.
  • Bring humor into conversations. Ask people, “What’s the funniest thing that happened to you today? This week? In your life?”